If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
