We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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