shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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