Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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