She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
