OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
