What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
