she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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