There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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