Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
