i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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