Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I love having hate sex.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
