well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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