It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
