Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
