how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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