I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
