susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
