i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
