just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
