Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
