i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
