dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
