bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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