Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
