Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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