The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
