My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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