If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
