She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
