sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
