I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
