yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
