it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
