Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
