I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
