Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
