I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
