Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
