I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
