your thong is hanging out like whoa
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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