Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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