i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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