Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
