Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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