Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
