I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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