That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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