i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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