forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
