What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
