Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
