theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
