i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
