Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
